NARRATOR:
On a crisp fall day,

there's nothing better than
racing leaves down a stream.

PEEP:
Yay!

CHIRP:
My leaf won, woo-hoo, yay!

PEEP:
My leaf won!

CHIRP:
Uh, Peep, wasn't that my leaf?

PEEP:
I thought it was mine.

CHIRP:
Maybe for our next race
we should use

different-looking leaves.

DUCK:
♪ Nothing's better
than ducks... ♪

( duck sneezes )

♪ Don't you agree? ♪

♪ And there's never
been a duck... ♪

( clears throat loudly )

♪ More lovely than me. ♪

PEEP:
Oh! It's a duck!

DUCK:
Of course I'm a duck.

( sneezes loudly )

I have a cold.

Thanks for telling us.

( building to sneeze )

( no sneeze )

Huh.

PEEP:
It's nice to meet you.

I'm Peep, and this is...

( sneezes )

DUCK:
Charmed.

I'm Quack.

BOTH:
Quack?!

PINK QUACK:
Yes, I know, it's
a beautiful name-- very unique.

Is there a pond around here
where I can rest for the night?

Ducks like ponds.

Uh... that way.

PINK QUACK:
♪ Thank you! ♪

( sneezes )

♪ Is there anything
better than ducks? ♪

♪ No, oh, nothing's better
than ducks ♪

♪ So, sing hey, sing ho
for ducks, whoa... ♪

PINK QUACK:
Mmm!

QUACK:
♪ Especially... ♪

PINK QUACK ( mouth full ):
That's good!

QUACK:
All right, that is
a very rude noise!

I'm singing, in case
you didn't... ah!

PINK QUACK:
Mmm.

( eating noisily )

QUACK:
Excuse me-- you're
eating my lunch.

PINK QUACK:
You don't say?

( gulping food )

And you are?

PEEP:
Uh, Quack?

This is Quack.

Quack, meet Quack.

PINK QUACK:
What... what are you doing
with my name?

Your name?!

"Quack" is my name-- mine!

( quacks )

PEEP:
Isn't it amazing?

Two ducks in the same pond!

PINK QUACK:
Oh, sorry, dears,
but your friend is not a duck.

Excuse me?

PINK QUACK:
Ducks are very special and rare.

For instance, me--
I'm a duck.

You...

( laughing assuredly ):
No-- no... you're a squink.

A what?!

It's a type of bug.

They're very common.

QUACK:
I'm a duck!

Just look at these feathers!

PINK QUACK:
Ridiculous.

Your two friends have feathers.

Are they ducks?

Well, no, but...

Oh, wait!

See?

Peep and Chirp
might have feathers,

but they sure can't swim
like this.

Oh, look at that!

Look at me go-- whoo-hoo!

( whooping )

Fish can swim.

Maybe you're a fish.

QUACK:
Or maybe you're the one
who's not a duck.

You have pink feathers.

Everyone knows
that duck feathers are blue.

PEEP:
I know-- maybe you're
both ducks!

BOTH QUACKS:
Oh, no-no-no-no.

PINK QUACK:
I don't think so.

NARRATOR:
Sometimes it's better

to let ducks settle things
on their own.

CHIRP:
Well... bye, everyone.

See you later.

NARRATOR:
This was one of those times.

( slurps weed, gulps loudly )

Mmm!

( yawns deeply )

Ah...

QUACK:
Are you going to sleep there?

Because that's where
I like to sleep.

PINK QUACK:
Oh? I didn't know that.

QUACK:
Um... so are you going to move?

PINK QUACK:
What? What do you mean?

Why would I move?

( quack muttering )

( yawns deeply )

( quacks softly )

( gurgling )

( clears throat loudly )

( smacking lips )

Good night.

And good night to you,
little fishies.

♪ Good night... ♪

( in operatic fashion ):
♪ Good night... ♪

QUACK:
Are you done?!

PINK QUACK:
Uh-huh.

Night-night.

( loud snoring )

QUACK:
She's not a duck,
because I'm a duck,

and we have nothing in common!

She's demanding--
Peep, move over--

she has a silly-looking hat,
and she takes up a lot of space.

Not to mention...

( sneezes )

...that she sneezes on everyone!

No-ho, that Quack is no duck.

( both gasp for air, sigh )

NARRATOR:
Chirp and Peep decided there was
only one way to settle this.

First, they compared feet.

CHIRP:
Hmm.

They're exactly the same.

NARRATOR:
Next, they compared beaks.

PEEP AND CHIRP:
Hmm.

The same.

NARRATOR:
And then they compared walks.

QUACK:
Ducks walk like this, okay?

Watch and learn.

PINK QUACK:
Oh, that poor deluded thing.

Hmm-- that's how squinks walk.

Ducks walk like this.

See?

Completely different!

NARRATOR:
Finally, Peep and Chirp

were ready to announce
their findings.

( Chirp clearing throat )

CHIRP:
We can't say for sure

if the two of you
are ducks or not.

PEEP:
But whatever you are,

both of you are
the exact same thing.

PINK QUACK:
Oh, no, no, no.

I'm afraid that just won't do.

QUACK:
I agree.

The world isn't big enough
for two ducks named Quack.

That's right,

which is why
I am giving you a new name.

From now on, your name is...

Plurp.

QUACK:
What?!

You can't do that!

PINK QUACK:
See you around, Plurp.

QUACK:
You can't just give
someone a new name.

Right? Am I right?

CHIRP:
Well, yeah, but I'm not sure
you can stop her.

♪ There's lots of ducks ♪

♪ And every duck's the same
to some degree ♪

♪ But in the world,
there's just one "Quack" ♪

♪ And that one "Quack" is me. ♪

Good-bye, birdies!

Good-bye, Plurp.

QUACK:
Well, we'll see about that!